When Can You Cheat on Your Team?

When is it OK to cheat on/ditch your teams?

I’ll use myself as an example… I’ve been following the Tampa Bay Buccaneers for a long time now. In fact, I even worked for them at one point. I used to drive down to Tampa for every home game, just to turn around and drive back to Atlanta after the clock hit quad-zeros. (a seven hour drive) Also, while I was in the Marines, the Bucs were kind enough to send me care packages when I was deployed to Iraq. (MAJOR brownie points)

But, the wheels of time will forever turn, and now the Buccaneers have managed to set their success dial on “kamikaze”. The franchise barely resembles the one I knew and loved, having shipped off 90% of the veterans. Also, despite having one of the lowest cap numbers in the league, they refuse to sign any marquee free agents.

Is it time to hang up the jersey and find a better team?

Now some old school guys claim that once you pick a team, that you are stuck with them come hell or high-water. I believe that much like modern sports, that changing the rules is sometimes necessary. So I have created some basic categories and guidelines to follow should you elect to step out on your team.

The Basics: These are things to expect when ditching your former beloved on the curb

1. You will get heat from your friends- This should go without saying, but people always call me crying because they “miraculously” switched from O’s to the Red Sox and are catching hell for it. If you didn’t prep your friends, you deserve all the crap they dish. “Miraculous” allegiance switches are a no-no. Let your anger be known, then make your move.
2. It will take one season to complete the move- This doesn’t mean you can freely dress in your former team’s gear, just that people won’t respect the switch until next season.
3. Championship switches are not respected- If the team you are switching to wins a championship in year one of your new-found fanship, it is not respected. You may not gloat, brag, or talk trash, about “your team’s” epic win.
4. No switch backs- You ditched your old girl for a prettier one. Problem: She got WAY hotter in the blink of an eye and made you look stupid. GUESS WHAT?! You’re stuck cowboy… Switch backs must be done TWO years after a championship run and will still be met with hostility.
5. No same division trades- You can’t switch from the Yankees to the Red Sox, and you can’t go from the Gators to Bama. Any such switch is buffoonish and WILL NOT EVER BE ACCEPTED! Notre Dame to LSU? Cool. UGA to Auburn? HELL NO!

When is it cool to trade up? Here are the situations that warrant a breakup/step-out.

1. Domination- You cheer for Richmond, but your spouse cheers for LSU. Get a clue and get on board. Richmond is NOT division 1 and therefore is deserving of being dropped like a Justin Bieber CD. So the rule is that if your team is in a lower division, or is so horrible that laughter happens at the mention of said team’s name, they may be ditched. (This includes all D2 teams, The Raiders, The Browns, The Pittsburgh Pirates, and The Clippers)
2. Marriage- A couple that cheers for different teams is cute for the first 3 years. After that, lawyers are typically involved in sorting out custody and finances. If you are dumb enough to marry a hardcore rival in the same conference, someone has to switch, THE END. This is done by sorting who has the closest tie to said school. Example: Hubby had UGA season tickets for 10 years. Wifey was a cheerleader at Tennessee. Sorry guy, but enjoy wearing “vomit orange”.
3. The “non-compete clause”- Some teams just don’t have it. Some teams just don’t want it. Teams like the Cubs are teams that “just don’t have it”. You can’t step out on them because they at least TRY to win. Some teams, like the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are just crashing the car so they don’t have to pay for gas. They fall under the “non-compete” clause. They won a Super Bowl, and have been cruise control ever since… Ditching players, signing 2nd stringers, and using the term “building through the draft” area few ways GM’s let fans know their goal is to be ultra-cheap for the next 10 years or so. You may feel free to run around on these hookers all you want. They have no goals, no aspirations, and no direction. (At least Al Davis spends money ATTEMPTING to win) Examples of teams TRYING not to win are: Tampa Bay Buccaneers, LA Clippers, Pittsburgh Pirates, Jacksonville Jaguars, Atlanta Thrashers, Washington Nationals
4. Owner Buffoonery- Sometimes, owners are just to dumb for their own good. Al Davis spends money like it’s a hobby and has NOTHING to show for it. Every coach who sniffs Oakland comes back broken and destitute. Atlanta is currently suffering from this via the Atlanta Spirit ownership group. They have habitually neglected the Thrashers organization by refusing to put together a competitive squad. Further complicating things is the lack of a single “shot-caller”. One person in the group who can say “We are winning the Cup this year and I’ll spend whatever it takes to get it done!” This lack of bravado has chased off superstar Ilya Kovalchuk and left the franchise in a tailspin. If you are a Thrashers fan, you may feel free to burn your jersey and ditch the season tickets. (My brother in law already has) It’s not the players fault mind you, but you shouldn’t sink your heart into a team that may not be here in 3 years. Some teams have the exact opposite situation ala Oakland, The Redskins, and the Cowboys. Sometimes, these guys meddle to a fault. Jerry Jones has released the grasp ever so slightly, but Al is still attempting to call plays from the Owner’s box. If your owner is creating a mini-dictatorship, you may ditch the team until said owner sells the team or kicks the bucket. Then you may feel free to return…
5. Player insult- If you meet a player of said team, and that player insults you, your kids, or treats you like crap, DITCH THEM. I refuse to spend time and energy on a team that allows chumps to be seen in public. That is why most teams have a set list of social-stars who go to fan functions. If someone disrespects you, then all bets are off and you can do as you please…

Hope this helps to clear up some lingering issues when it comes to running out on your former favorite teams. Remember kids, teams go from worst to first in an instant, so be careful about who you dump!